Pope
Diva I
7/6/01 05:07 AM
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FAN FIC: The Joesuit Order of
Aerosmithicism |
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Continued from THE
TEN COMMANDMENTS OF AEROSMITHICISM
"THE JOESUIT ORDER"
The Harem of Joe
Perry
(Concubines of Joe Perry, Joesuits)
The
Joesuits are a religious order founded by Pope Diva I, and
designated by her "The Harem of Joe Perry," to indicate the group's
true divine leader and sensual spirit, also referred to as "Mister
Joe Fuckin' Perry," "The Serpent God," or "The Rattlesnake God." The
term "Concubine of Joe Perry" is used when referring to an
individual member of The Harem. The Order's title can also be
abbreviated to the term "Joesuits" (pronounced
"JOE-ZOO-ITS" of recent origin: those members of The
Aerosmith Lust Posse who fantasize too frequently and in too great
detail about Joe Perry), and was first applied to worshippers at
sonymusic.com's Aerosmith Bulletin Board in 2001.
The Harem
ranks among five major sub-sects of The Aerosmith Lust Posse,
Sisters in The Temple of Aerosmithicism, a group which
believes the members of Aerosmith (America's Greatest Rock and Roll
Band) are gods. As has been explained under the title "The Ten
Commandments of Aerosmithicism," this faith encourages a sensual
path to self-improvement through rigorous adherence to Aerosmith
worship. The Joesuit Order are particularly dedicated to strict
observation of the Tenth Commandment, particularly the second
clause:
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THE TENTH
COMMANDMENT
Thou art permitted to covet Our Talent,
Our Bodies, Our Kick-Ass Lifestyle. Thou art permitted to lust
after Us, and to fan these flames in thine own heart, and in the
hearts of others. Thy desire is pleasing to Us, and thy devotion
shall be rewarded by Us for all the days that thou rockest.
************************************
When
The Diva began to devote herself to the service of Joe Perry, she
originally had no plans to open The Order to additional members.
However, after worshipping for a period of time with other
Aerosmithics at sonymusic.com's Aerosmith Bulletin Board, she became
convinced that the bounty which is Joe Perry was plentiful enough to
sustain additional members of The Harem. In a true spirit of
fellowship, The Diva put selfish considerations aside to admit all
Joe Perry-obsessed members of The Aerosmith Lust Posse.
Since
then, The Joesuits have become well-known for eschewing evangelism.
Unlike many other religious orders, Concubines of Joe Perry do not
seek new converts, but prefer to restrict their membership to a
select elite of truly devoted followers -- primarily to reduce
competition for the attention of their deity. Entirely obsessed with
the divinity of the guitarist, and completely disinterested in
attending to the mundane details of day-to-day life, The Joesuits
spend much of their time observing sounds and images related to
their sensual leader.
From the group's founding, The Diva
offered her services and those of her fellow Joesuits to The Serpent
God, who has thus far not seen fit to bless his devotees with sexual
demands -- much to their disappointment.
NOTE:
The
Harem was not founded with the intention of restricting The
Concubines to the worship of Joe Perry alone. Many Joesuits also
belong to other orders devoted to other members of Aerosmith.
Neither the papal letters nor the secret vows of the order forbid
this practice.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
The
official publication of The Harem is sonymusic.com's Aerosmith
Bulletin Board. Pope Diva I has written extensive encyclicals on
Aerosmithicism at this online site, but these writings in no way
comprise the totality of Joesuit documents.
Tammy, a.k.a. "Pope
Diva I"
Pope-ette and High Priestess of
The Temple of
Aerosmithicism
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kimboperry
7/6/01
5:30 PM
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Re: another concubine for the order
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As a devoted member of The Order of Joesuits, I would like to
take this moment to "refresh" my vows and declare my Joesuit name as
"Galadriel".. now on to my daily communion with The Perry....
hehehehe...... ;) kimbo
ps. hey Diva, what did you think of
the Joe pics I sent ya?
"..Behind the walls of my
temptation, that's where it all
began..."
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Pope
Diva I
7/6/01 7:22 PM
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Re: another concubine for the order
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TOP FIVE QUESTIONS ASKED
BY NOVICES IN THE JOESUIT
ORDER
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Q:
When contemplating the image of Joe Perry, Our Lord, I often have
feelings of guilt and worthlessness because my eyes hurt. Am I right
for The Joesuit Order?
A: Do no blame yourself. Your
problem is easily diagnosed and solved. You are forgetting to blink,
thus the pain in your eyes. Come by the Abby Office and I wil issue
you an egg timer.
Q: It is ever acceptable to
wear clothing other than our red silk habits? Must we always appear
in public in our habits?
A: This is a decision each sister
must make for herself, after lengthy communion with The
Deity.
Q: I sometimes call my Shower Massage
"Joe." Is this sacreligious?
A: No, it is
understandable.
Q: I often fantasize about the
day cloning becomes possible, and I might have my own Personal
Perry. What is the Joesuit position on the controversial issue of
cloning?
A: It is taking too
long.
Q: Someone has offered to sell me what
they claim is a talkbox tube used by The Perry in a performance of
"Sweet Emotion." I want to obtain it, but how do I know that it is
genuine?
A: Counterfeit relics are common, so you must be
cautious. Demand that this person allow you to inspect the tube in
person. Lay hands on the tube. If it is, indeed, genuine, you will
know, and you will need to do laundry. Cleanliness is next to
Perryness.
Tammy, a.k.a. "Pope Diva
I"
Pope-ette and High Priestess of
The Temple of
Aerosmithicism
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Gypsy
Rain
7/6/01 8:32 PM
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Re: another concubine for the order
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*Burns candles to banish the
infidel*
C'est Moi
La Soeur Gaia
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AeroPhyre
7/9/01
4:49 PM
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Re: FAN FIC: The Joesuit Order of
Aerosmithicism |
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I have decided upon Sister Artemis, however, I am in no way
virginal as was my namesake, nor will I hold true to her vow of
eternal chastity!
Amelia >=)
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