After school I walked alone to my car. I turned on the radio. "Next year I'm a senior!" I yelled. The radio was playing the Monkees. "Cheer up sleepy jean. Oh what can it mean, to a daydream believer and a home coming queen."
Tom stuck his head in the window. "Hey! Hey! We're the Monkees!" He smiled. "Can I bum a ride baby?"
I laughed at him. "Sure Davy."
Tom opened up the door. "Can I smoke in the car?" He lit up a joint.
I stopped the car. "Didn't you learn your lesson?"
"No." Tom said without hesitation. He turned the station. "I like the Beatles Cartoon show better. Did you see it last week? The episode was the one where this guy Anyface tries to pass as Paul..."
"No Reply!" I laughed. "That's my second favorite. My favorite is It Won't Be Long." I maneuvered out of the school parking lot. "You don't mind if I stop somewhere first? I'm going to be interviewed at this restaurant called The Anchorage up at Lake Sunapee."
Tom laughed. "That's around the area me and Joe are gonna play this summer." He took a hit off of his joint. "He'll probably be up there right now." We pulled into the parking lot of the Anchorage and I did my interview, I got a job and I started the next day. As we walked out of the restaurant Tom saw some kid with really long black hair and yelled, "Joe!"
Joe looked over at us and yelled, "Tom! Come over here!" We walked over across the street and Tom and Joe did some weird little handshake. "Who's your girl?"
Tom introduced me. "Joe this is Janet, Janet this is Joe Perry."
"Hi." I smiled shyly.
Joe was checking me out. "You got a catch there Tom. I've been looking for you for the past week. Where you been?"
"Past week?" Tom seemed to think about that for a second. "I thought you said-"
"Ummm...." Joe looked down at the ground. "I kinda dropped out."
Tom looked at him with disapproval. "I almost got kicked out of school."
Joe laughed. "I heard about that." We started walking along the lake and came upon a group of guys play fighting with each other.
Tom pointed at them. "Look who it is."
"Who is it?" I asked.
"Steven Tallarico." Tom said. "He's a local legend. He's been in bands and he even did a record."
I was impressed by this guy already. "Really?"
"Yeah it's on the jukebox at The Anchorage it's called "The Sun"." Joe said.
"Which one's Steven?" I asked.
"Which one looks like Mick Jagger to you?" Tom laughed.
I spotted the guy. "Him?" He looked like Mick's little brother or sister. Steven looked so much like a rock star to me he should have had it stamped on his forehead. We kept walking along the lake where all the house boats were parked. "So you and Tom have a band?"
Joe nodded. "Yeah it's called the Jam Band. We got a drummer too, his name's Pudge." We came to a house boat and Joe stopped. "Listen I'm gonna go see Elyssa. See you later Tom?"
"Yeah."
Joe looked at me. "See you Janet."
I giggled. "Bye Joe."
Tom put his arm around my shoulder. "Don't tell me you like him." He made a sad puppy face. "You still love me right?"
"Yes." I kissed him on the cheek.
Over the next few weeks I worked at the anchorage in the morning and saw The Jam Band rehearse or play a gig at night. Well to be honest they weren't that good, maybe a couple of singing lessons wouldn't have hurt them. I just sat there and listened, just not too closely. One night they were playing a gig at The Barn and I was right up front, (unfortunately) and sitting next to me is Steven Tallarico. I didn't see why he'd want to be there, he was just there with some girl. The first note hit and his jaw dropped he just stood there staring at the band. He looked so concentrated on him I couldn't believe it. Yeah The Jam Band had something but he was looking at them like they were better than The Stones or something. I was waiting for a fly to go into that cave that was his mouth. Finally when the show had ended he closed his mouth for a second and started cheering and clapping and whistling, oh he just loved the show from what I was thinking.
Tom caught me about twenty minutes later. "So how was it tonight?"
"Oh... It was good." I said sweetly. "Steven seemed to love it."
"Steven?"
I laughed a little bit. "Yeah the "local legend" Steven Tallarico."
Tom was amazed by this. "You're joking! Steven Tallarico?"
I nodded then added sarcastically, "Yeah and Paul McCartney was sitting in the back and he gave me his number."
Tom laughed. "Oh really?"
Joe came walking up to us with Pudge and a joint in his mouth. "Did you see Tallarico in the front row?"
"No but I was just notified of that." Tom leaned on my shoulder. We talked well into the night and I almost couldn't get my butt out of bed in the morning to go to work. At around ten o'clock Tom came in with Joe and Pudge. Tom smiled at me. "I'd like to place and order. I want you to sit down with me for a while."
I looked to make sure my manager wasn't around and slipped into a booth with them. "So how's it going?"
Joe looked around the place. "I use to wash dishes here."
Tom asked me, "Hey we're thinking of making a record."
"Really?" I cringed at the thought of that. "So who's gonna be singing on the record?"
"JANET!" My manager caught me. "It's not break time! There's orders to be made."
I got up. "I have to go. Sorry guys."
The summer passed pretty quickly. Woodstock happened in New York, I was stuck at home which wasn't that bad I was getting a good dose of Rock there anyway. After begging and pleading I was allowed to do ONE gig with the Jam Band. We did a couple of Jefferson Airplane songs.
Joe was impressed. "Hey you're pretty good."
I blushed a little bit. "Oh thanks." Nothing else was really said about my one gig.
The Jam Band recorded their album without me at the end of the summer. The summer of 1969 was a quick one. Joe went back home and school was almost ready to start.
I remember dropping Tom off at the hotel he worked at near the end of the summer. He seemed a little depressed about something. "What's wrong?" I asked.
Tom sighed. "Maybe I should patch things up with my dad."
"You should." I said. "Just cut your hair and explain to him how things are with us."
Tom looked at me like I was nuts. "Explain to him about us? You're insane Janet! He doesn't understand us. And he really doesn't want me hanging around you after the bust."
I kissed him on the mouth. "You think about it and maybe tomorrow I'll stop by and take you home."
Tom did make up with his dad and moved back in. School started and the only class we had together was English. We were seniors and I new that this was going to be a good year for me. I more than made up for last year. They wouldn't let me back on student council or the honor society but I joined a couple of other clubs. I made straight A's all year. Tom on the other hand was slacking off quite a bit. He made halfway decent grades but he wasn't doing what he had done last year. Christmas came and there was no invitation to his house for dinner. Me and my mother just had some sandwiches and watch The Grinch on TV. Tom came by later night. When I opened the door he planted a big kiss on my mouth. "Merry Christmas." He handed me a box.
I opened it up and inside was a beautiful heart shaped pin. "Tom it's so pretty." I got him to come up to my room where I had his present. "Here's yours."
Tom tore open the paper. I gave him a drawing I made. "You drew this? It's fantastic it looks- wow!" It was a picture of a diving Swallow. I had drawn it from a picture out of one of the Science books at school. "Should I hand this next to my Jimi Hendrix poster or my Beatles poster?"
"What do you think?" I laughed and kissed him on the mouth. It was the last Christmas we had as kids. New Years Eve his parents stayed home and there was no party for two.
Then one year exactly after the bust, Tom called me up at home. "Hey wanna go do something?"
"Like what?" I was suspicious of him. He had that sneaky tone in his voice.
"Oh I don't know. You want to get a pizza or some shakes or something?" Tom asked.
"Uh- yeeeaahhh...." I wasn't sure about this. "Okay."
"Great! See ya in a couple of minutes!" Tom quickly hung up the receiver. He was over at my house within five minutes. "Hey Janet! I got something to tell you!"
"What is it?" I slid into the car.
"Me and Joe have officially decided that after this summer we're gonna go to Boston and get an apartment there and start a new band." Tom said.
"Oh." I felt bad. I guess I had to tell him. "Tom. I was going to wait to tell you this but, I've been accepted to Columbia University in New York. I start in the fall."
Tom immediately stopped the car in the middle of the road. "What?!? I mean- sorry. I'm happy for you." He seemed let down by my decision. "Well I guess asking you to move in with us is out of the question."
I thought for a second. "Well I could transfer my second year. I could go to Boston University. It's just Columbia University accepted me and I jumped on it." I sighed. "I thought you were going to go to college."
Tom shook his head. "Well I had planned on it at first. But I talked it over with my parents and if it doesn't work out I'll go to college." He started driving again. "Let's go get some ice cream." We got a huge ice cream sundae and spoon fed each other.
Prom night came and of course Tom asked me to the dance. I got a long dark gold dress.
Tom looked me up and down. "You look..." He looked at my mother who was giving him a disapproving look. "Nice."
I laughed at him. "Thank you Tom."
The Theme for our Prom was "Golden Slumbers". Guess who was on the prom committee? The band played that plus a couple of other Beatles songs. Tom went up to the band for a second and whispered in the lead singers ear and came back. "What'd you request?" I asked.
Tom put a finger to my lips to hush me. "You'll see."
The band started playing "And I Love Her". The first song we ever slow danced too. "You don't think I forgot now do you?"
"No. I know you won't." I kissed him on the lips and for the whole song I felt like we were the only ones in the room.
We finally graduated in early June. I was in the top ten of the class, I'm not sure where Tom was. I saw him get up to accept his diploma and he gave the principal a look of victory. In his mind I knew he was thinking, "You didn't think I was going to make it asshole but I did!" He turned to the audience and did a little bow and went back to his seat.
I was sitting on the end of my row and he was at the end of his so we could whisper to each other. "You made it! Congratulations!"
Tom looked back over at the principal. "He was wishing that I would have dropped out." He looked at the rolled up diploma in his hands. "Actually the way I was this year I was pretty much a drop out." I heard my name called and went up and got my diploma. I saw my mother sitting in the front row with her camera snapping away. It was my little moment of the night. After the ceremony Tom invited me back to his house where he and a couple of other friends were going to have a small party. I went back home and changed in a blue dress.
Mr. Hamilton greeted me at the door. "Oh it's you Janet. Tom's in the living room."
Tom was playing around with a couple of his friends and saw me. "Janet! Hey guys this the Columbia University girl. She's going places."
I laughed. "And you're the rock and roll boy. You're not going places."
Tom acted like he was hurt. "You don't have to rub it in!"
I noticed that Cecily was on the couch. "You didn't tell your parents that we did it on the couch did you?"
"No." Tom glanced over at his dad. "My old man's watching us like a hawk." He laughed. "Gimme a kiss." I planted one on his mouth and glanced out of the corner of my eye. Mr. Hamilton didn't look too happy.
I stayed a couple of hours at Tom's house and decided to head home. He followed me out to the car. "So when are you going to Boston?"
Tom sighed. "End of the summer. Early September. When are you going to New York?"
"Around the same time." I got into my car. "This may be one of the last times we ever see each other."
Tom leaned in the window and kissed me. "I don't think it will be. Goodnight Janet."
"Goodnight Tom." I drove home that night trying to fight tears back. We spent every moment we could together that whole summer. It was hard, Tom had his band and I had my job. I was hoping that the summer would last forever and I'd never have to leave.
Early September came and I decided I had to leave early to find myself an apartment to rent. Tom helped me pack my stuff in some boxes and load them into my station wagon. Tom closed the back door. "I guess this is good bye for a while."
"Yeah..." I started to tear up. I took off my class ring and put it in his hand. "Something to remember me by."
Tom took his ring off and gave it to me. "Same here. Listen watch out for all of those hoodlums walking around New York City. Don't go out after dark and most importantly... Don't forget me." He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.
"I'll send Mom my apartment address and have her forward it to your parents and then get it forwarded to you." I laughed. "Hopefully none of the information gets lost in all of that forwarding."
Tom smiled. "Give me your number too so I can call you when my band is headlining at Madison Square Garden. He opened the car door for me. "Bye Janet."
I slid in the car and started the engine. "Bye Tom." I started the engine and took off down the road. I kept an eye on Tom in my rear view mirror until he disappeared from sight. I slipped his class ring onto my thumb and started making my way towards New York and college...
I got to New York the next day. I went looking for an apartment as soon as I got there. I found one not far from C.U. and it was about a block from Central Park. The apartment was really small, There was just a kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom (that was more like closet) and a small living room. I picked it because the rent was cheap. I unpacked my things and lived out of boxes and slept on the floor for a few days. Then I decided to at least go back and get my mattress from my house. When I got there I was hoping that Tom would still be there.
"He's not here." My mother said. "He and Joe left this morning for Boston." I fought back tears and tied my mattress to the top of my car. My mother insisted that I stay for dinner. It was too late for me to head back so I spent the night in the guest room. I couldn't sleep a wink all night and got up and went into my empty bedroom. The only that was in there was an empty book case, my disassembled bed and desk and chair set. I sat down in the chair and laid my head down on the desk and cried myself to sleep.
I had dreams all night about the past couple of years. The last one was the first Christmas me and Tom had together. I heard pebbles hitting a window and I woke up. "Tom?" I ran to the window expecting to see snow on the ground and Tom standing at the bottom in his coat. No snow, no Tom. I had breakfast with my mother and headed back to my apartment in New York. I made a couple of friends in the building, one was a black girl named Rosa. She eventually became my room mate when her boyfriend kicked her out. She was going to Columbia University as well. We had a Psychology class together. School was the first thing on my mind for the first few weeks. I tried to put Tom out of my mind and study, it worked but soon I was getting worried that Tom might not have gotten my address and I started waiting for the mailman on mornings where I didn't have to go to class.
One day right before Christmas break, I came in from a morning class and Rosa was sitting in the kitchen eating an apple. "Janet! You have a letter from Boston!"
My heart started beating rapidly. "Are you sure?" Rosa nodded and I grabbed the letter and looked at the address. 1325 Commonwealth Avenue. I started reading the letter.
Dear Janet,
It's me, Tom. Sorry I took so long to write you, I've been busy. I got your address and I'll make sure I don't loose it- I promise. Joe and me have started the band. You'll never guess who the lead singer is... Since you'll never guess I'll tell you- It's STEVEN TALLARICO! He brought this guy he had been in another guy named Ray Tabano to play guitar too. And then there's this guy from New York named Joey Kramer he's the drummer. (I stopped reading the letter. The name Joey Kramer popped out at me for some reason but I couldn't put my finger on it.) He brought us a name for the band: AEROSMITH. Sounds neat huh? And it has nothing to do with that stupid book we had to read. We just had our first gig at a local high school. Steven and Joe got into this big argument after the show about volume. It got really nasty.
I was wondering if you wanted to come here for Christmas? It's a little cramped in this apartment, (I'm sleeping on the couch.) but I think you won't mind. I hope you decided to come. You've got the address on the letter. Please come! I miss you!
Love,
Tom
"Well what's it say?" Rosa threw her apple in the garbage.
"Tom wants me to come to his place for Christmas!" I said happily. I had a smile a mile wide on my face.
I arrived in Boston a couple of days before Christmas. I went to the apartment and found that no one was there. It was two in the afternoon. "Where are you Tom?" I whispered.
This blonde lady appeared behind me. "If you're looking for the band they're down in the basement practicing." She motioned for me to follow her some steps. I heard music coming from behind a door. The blonde swung open the door and there was Tom and his band blasting away "Route 66".
When it was over I cheered. "You guys rock!"
Tom's face lit up as he looked over. "Janet!" He ran over and picked me up while hugging me. "I missed you-" He started a fit of coughing and he had to bend over for a second.
"Are you okay?" I put my arms around his shoulders.
Tom stood back up. "I just got a bug." He coughed some more. "I'll be fine."
Joe was standing by his amp and looked over at me. "Hey Janet."
"Oh!" Steven came over and put his arm around my shoulder. "So this is Janet Tom? Wow you're right she is good looking." Man! He had the smell of some type of alcohol on his breath. He looked stoned out of his mind too.
Then I got a look at they're drummer. I knew him! "You're that kid from the party!"
Joey looked at me confused. "What party?"
"Oh it was a couple of years ago. You're Joey Kramer right?"
"Yeah." Joey nodded. "Wait you do look familiar. Yeah! I remember! You're the one that knocked my drink out of my hand."
"To finish to introductions that guy over there is Ray." Tom pointed to a guy with a guitar. "And the blonde is Millie. She's this guy named Gary Cabozzi's wife. I'm sure you'll have the joy of meeting him-" Tom started coughing up a storm again.
"You should rest." I said. "How long have you been like this?"
Tom caught his breath. "A week almost. Haven't seen a doctor."
I couldn't believe that he hadn't seen a doctor. "Are you guys done rehearsing?" I did my best to sound sweet and worked it for all I could. "Tom needs a little rest."
Steven didn't look happy. "We can practice without him for a while."
"Great!" I helped him up to his apartment. He opened the door and a blast of heat just hit me in the face. "Damn! What's the heat set on?" I made Tom lie down on the couch and I covered him up. "I'll get you something to eat." I opened up several cabinets and nothing was in them. "Where's your food at?"
Tom sat up on the couch. "Well um- lately mine and the rest of the guys diets have consisted of brown rice and carrots or stolen property."
I shook my head. "Where's the nearest store at? I'll get you and the guys something to eat." Tom told me about the Star Market and got some bread and milk plus I bought a bunch of cans of soup. I made Tom some chicken noodle soup and made some sandwiches for the rest of the band which they ate up pretty quick. I slept on the floor next to Tom in the living room. All I heard all night was him coughing and gasping for air. He wasn't much better the next morning.
And Tom actually wanted to go practice with the band. "But I have to-" He started coughing.
I made him lie down again. "You are in no condition to be playing. You're gonna get pneumonia if you don't have it already." For the next two days I made him lie on the couch. I bought him some medicine and on Christmas morning he was definitely looking better. Then that morning I remembered something. "I brought you a present."
Tom took the gift from me. "Gee... thanks." He didn't seem happy. "I didn't get you anything. I'm sorry."
"That's okay. Open it."
Tom opened, I got him a ring. "It's nice. Thanks." He sighed. "I'll get you something... when I get some money."
I kissed him. "Don't worry about it. Just get better and I'll be happy." I looked up at the wall facing the couch and saw the drawing I made him. "You brought that with you?"
"Yeah." Tom said. "Steven thinks it's cool looking."
A few nights later I got to see how the band really lived. I came back from a movie with Tom and found a party going on in the apartment. A bunch of girls were there half naked and bottles of whiskey were being drank like water. Then I saw Steven snorting something- cocaine. "You want to try some?"
I shook my head. "No thanks." Steven smiled at me like he found it weird I didn't want any. All throughout the night I kept being offered everything. Tom didn't refuse a thing, he was smoking joints, drinking and snorting coke. Now I knew why he was sick, he probably did more drugs than he ate. I took him aside to talk with him. "Tom you've been sick for the past two weeks. Why the hell are you doing all of that crap you know it's not good for you."
Tom looked at me, he was stoned. "Okay. I'll stop for a while." I didn't like it that he just said, for a while. When I left to go home I was sick to my stomach with worry. But while I was there I decided to take some pictures of the band and drew Tom. I was border between photography and art as my college major.
Rosa opened the door as soon as she saw me from the window. "You're back! How was it?"
I threw my bag on the couch. "He's a druggie. He's a fucking addict." I sat down on the couch and started crying. "He's so sweet when he's sober. But he was one god knows what the other night. There was a party at the apartment anything they gave him, he took it! There was Jack Daniels, pot, coke, acid and a bunch of other shit. I can't believe him! I thought he was so much smarter than that."
Rosa tried to comfort me. "Janet, if you don't like the drug problem find someone else. There are nice and smart sober guys around here..."
"We've been through too much to break it off now." I wiped tears out of my eyes. That was what I thought...
I didn't go back to Boston until school was out for the year. I packed two weeks worth of clothes and jumped in my car the day school was out. I found the old apartment building they were living in, the door was wide open and the stereo was blaring. "Tom?" I yelled into the living room.
Tom came out of the kitchen with a joint in his mouth. "Janet!" He put the joint out. "You surprised me. I didn't know you were coming."
I looked around the room. "Apparently." We went for a walk and sat on the grass on one of the many college campuses.
"Oh I've got something I want to show you." Tom lifted up his shirt. "I got it about two months ago." He had gotten a tattoo of a diving swallow, just like the one in the picture I Had drawn him.
"Wow. That looks great." I was thinking at that moment that he really loved me to get it.
"Gary took me, Steven and Joey to get tattoos." Tom looked at me. "You want to get one?"
Without really thinking I said, "Yes."
Tom took me to the local tattoo parlor. As soon as I stepped in the door I started to rethink my decision. I pulled a piece of paper out of my pocket and handed it to the guy that was going to stick the needle in my skin. "I want this if you can do it." It was another picture I had drawn for Tom. It was of a Phoenix, the best drawing I ever did.
The guy looked at the picture and said, "Yeah I can do this." I sat in the chair trying to relax. I was almost relaxed and then that needle hit me. When it was over I paid the man and walked out of the place with a Phoenix on my left arm.
"That looks awesome." Tom started rubbing it.
I felt a good amount of pain from that. "Tom stop it!" I smacked his hand. "That really hurts!"
Tom grabbed me and gave a kiss. "Maybe we should get a tattoo with our names in little hearts. You probably know that I've been wanting to-"
"You can wait until I graduate Tom." I said. "I only have three more years. I hope."
I stayed at a hotel not far from the apartment. I visited everyday and went to gigs. Aerosmith was a kick ass rock band if I ever saw one. I was always up front and often found myself to be one of a very few girls in the audience. This really didn't bother me too much. Then I found out where some of the girls were, backstage. I went backstage at one of their last gigs and saw Tom kissing another girl. This enraged me like you wouldn't believe and we had our first (but not last) fight right there with the poor girl just sitting there like a scared deer. It was a loud fight even Steven and Joe-who were notorious for fighting after shows-took notice. With a final "Fuck you!" from me I went to my hotel and packed my bags to go home to my mom.
I arrived on her doorstep in tears and told her everything. She tired to comfort me. "No boy is worth all that."
"I know." I sobbed. "But, I thought he was the one for me." I wept for days until I he came to my mothers house looking for me. I wasn't thrilled to see him. "I have nothing to say to you."
Tom grabbed my arm. "Janet listen, she meant nothing to me. I promise. There's always groupies around backstage and they're aren't really easy to ignore. All we did was kiss." He looked me in the eyes. "I love you Janet. I mean it. I didn't mean to hurt you."
I tried to keep cool but deep down I knew he meant what he said. "I love you too." I threw my arms around him in a hug. I felt the presence of my mother in the room watching us. I felt her eyes boring a hole in the back of my head. Tom left to go to some gig in Boston not long after that.
My mother tried to set me straight. "Janet after everything you've told me, I don't think you should be giving him another chance. He's into drugs, you barely see him. How do you know he hasn't been cheating on you?"
I stared off in the direction of Tom's parents house. "I don't know. But, I want to think that I can trust him."
I was trusting him up until early fall of that year. I did get to see him at Thanksgiving, he came and saw me and stayed a couple of days. It was the best two days I had a ever had in my life. We stayed up all night making love. As we laid in bed the second night I kissed him and said, "Don't you forget to write me when you go back."
Tom smiled at me. "I won't forget. I love you."
The letters never came. It was driving me nuts. I checked the mail box everyday and there was no word. Rosa didn't like it either. "You need to down there and check up on your man. If he's cheating on you, you should just let him have it. You've been faithful to him all this time, so should he."
I took her advice. I called first, I knew how dirt poor the band was so when I called them collect and would promise Tom that I'd pay them back. The idea of me coming the next day didn't seem to thrill him. "Tomorrow? Are you you sure you want to come tomorrow?"
I didn't like the sound of his voice. "Yes I want to see you as soon as possible. Why haven't you written me in over a month?"
Tom was hiding something from me I knew it. "I've been busy. We've had all these gigs and we had to fire Raymond and it's been really crazy around here."
I wasn't buying it. I packed my bags the second I got off the phone with him and drove to Boston. When I got to the apartment I just let myself in. Joe was sitting in front of the TV playing guitar. "Where's Tom?" I asked.
Joe turned around obviously surprised to see me. "Janet? Uh- Tom went out with Brad and a couple of other guys." He was lying.
"God damn Joe! Tell me the truth!" I yelled.
Steven came out of the bedroom with a girl hanging on him. "What the hell is going on out here?" He looked at me. "Janet. Tom's not here right now."
I put my hands on my hips. "Yeah I know. Where is he?"
"I don't know Janet." Steven said. "I'm sure he'll be back soon. Where you staying? I can give him your number..."
I sat down on the couch. "I'm going to stay right here until he gets back."
Steven looked at Joe and then at the girl. He asked the girl, "Why don't we go somewhere..." He took her and left. That just left me and Joe in the apartment.
Joe was feeling uneasy. He put down his guitar. "I'm going to go for a walk. You wanna come?" He was trying to keep me from finding out about Tom.
I refused. "I want to be here when he gets back." With that Joe left. A half hour went by then an hour. It was almost midnight when Tom finally came home.
Tom burst through the door with a girl. "You know Terry we should do this again." I laid down on the couch to where he couldn't see me.
Terry kissed him on the cheek. "We'll have to. You're so fun to be with. But I have to go. See you tomorrow."
Tom opened the door for her. "Bye Terry." He waved to her and closed the door.
"She seems like a nice girl." I got up form the couch.
"Janet- uh- listen- uh- uh- I can explain that." Tom was surprised to see me.
I wasn't going to take it this time. "Let me guess, she meant nothing to you. She's only a groupie. Tom you lied to me. I can't believe it."
Tom decided to drop a bombshell on me. "I was gonna tell you. Listen I do love you but, I can't wait around for you. You have your life and I have mine. We live in two separate worlds now." He went to the kitchen and came back out with a bottle of beer. "I don't think-"
All this rage and hate started boiling up inside of me. "Listen, You said you loved me. Not more than a month ago you more than proved that."
"Janet things have changed." Tom took a sip of his beer.
It made me ever angrier to watch him say it so nonchalantly and then just take a drink of beer. "You're a fucking druggie. I don't even know what I saw in you in the first place."
Tom gave me a smile. "Neither do I." He took another drink of beer.
"YOU ASSHOLE!" I did the one thing he wouldn't dare do: I hit him. I punched him in the face so hard I thought I had broken my knuckles. That wasn't enough, I ran into him and knocked him to the ground cursing him and smacking and hitting him. Tom wouldn't fight back either. I couldn't decide if it was because he was too stoned or shocked or just because he wasn't the type of guy to hit a woman. I took the beer bottle lying in the floor and stood up. I took the bottle and threw it at him hitting him in the shoulder. When it hit his shoulder it just shattered all over the place. As Tom grabbed his shoulder to see if it was bleeding, I grabbed my purse and ran out of the apartment as fast as I could.
Joe passed me as I made it outside the building. "Janet what's wrong?"
I started to cry. "Nothing! Just leave me alone!" I got into my car and sped away before he could ask anything. I pulled over into a parking lot and just laid my head on the wheel and cried. "I can't believe I did that." I kept repeating the phrase over and over again. I went back to my apartment and took everything that reminded me of Tom and put it in a box. The next morning I drove to my mother's house and told her to just keep the box in the attic. Everything was in there. Pictures I took of the Jam Band and Aerosmith. A drawing I made of Tom, the necklace he bought me, the pin, I even threw his class ring in there.
Two months later I found out something I didn't really want to know. I was pregnant. My mother was so mad at me for what I had done she didn't talk to me until the baby was born. Which was July fifth 1972, a girl who I name Crystal Rosaline. I got my degree in art and became an Art teacher at a high school in Vermont. I saw Aerosmith become famous, but I didn't listen to them unless they were on the radio and even then I felt a pain in my heart.
In 1977, right before Crystal's fifth birthday she came up to me and asked, "Why don't I have a daddy?"
I felt a lump in my throat. The thought hadn't really crossed my mind that I should tell her. "You have a daddy Crystal." I sat her up on my lap, she had Tom's blonde hair and blue eyes. Even when she smiled she reminded me of him. "Daddy did something that really hurt Mommy and we decided we didn't want to be together."
"Why doesn't he come see me?" Crystal asked.
I decided to tell her more. "Your daddy is in a rock band. He doesn't have the time to see you."
Crystal tried to understand but she really didn't. So a week later I drove her to my mother's house and took her up to the attic where I got out a picture of Tom. "Here's your daddy."
Crystal clutched the photo in her hands. "I want to put this in my room."
I gently took the photo away from her. "Sorry sweetie. I want this to stay here."
That box stayed in the attic for another ten years. Crystal continued to grow up without a father figure. I had several boyfriends but none of them lasted. Crystal soon forgot about what I had shown her in the attic and she turned into a moody teenager that was very into music. She played trumpet in the school marching band and loved all types of music. I threw her a big party for her 15th birthday and she had a ton of friends over. There were lots of presents being given to her.
Her best friend Laura gave her the last present. "You're going to love this Crys!"
Crystal tore open the paper and yelled, "Yes! It's the new Aerosmith album!" My heart stopped beating for a second. Crystal lifted up the album to show everyone, the cover was red looking with little drawings on it and there was the Aerosmith logo in yellow on the front. Permanent Vacation. "Thanks Laura! I'll have to crank this one later."
I started looking at the album after all her friends had left. "Where'd you find out about Aerosmith?"
Crystal was cleaning up some chips that had been spilt on the floor. "See this is why we should get cable. They've had this video out for "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" and it rocks. Joe Perry is hot!"
I looked at a picture of the band that was on the inside with the record. "What do you think about their bass player?"
"He's okay looking. Did he do something else before Aerosmith? He looks familiar." Crystal did remember his face.
I laughed. "Aerosmith has been Tom's life since 1970." I noticed the way she looked at me. "Do you remember going into Grandma's attic when you were little?"
Crystal shook her head. "No. She said I couldn't go up there because there was stuff up there I wasn't supposed to see."
"Pictures of your dad." I said. "I showed you a picture of him once. I wouldn't let you keep it."
"What?" Crystal didn't remember. "Why wouldn't you let me have a picture of my dad?"
"Because..." I turned the picture over to where she could see it. "Your father is the man with the blonde hair. Tom Hamilton."
Crystal didn't believe me. "That's not funny mom."
I had to take her to my mothers to show her. I opened the box back up and took out the exact same photo. "I took that in 1970 right before he left to go to Boston with Joe Perry."
Crystal looked at the photo. "I remember seeing this." She started digging through the box seeing the photos the drawings and the ring and necklace and pin. The one thing that really got her was Tom's ring that I had kept in the box. "You two went to high school together?"
"And got busted together. We uh- well did it both for the first time on his birthday." I laughed a little bit. "He was great to be around until he left to go join the circus. Sex, drugs and rock n' roll. Aerosmith certainly took part in that from the beginning."
"Well they're clean now mom." Crystal said. "It was on an interview they did on MTV. No more drugs or alcohol." She slipped Tom's ring on her thumb. "I can see why you wouldn't want me to know. What happened? Why did you two break up?"
I sighed. "I didn't think we ever would break up. I was sure that we were going to be married. I told him I didn't want to do it until I graduated college. He didn't like that idea and found someone else. The last time I saw him, he was laying in the floor probably bleeding. I was so mad at him I attacked him."
"How long were you together?"
"I'd say- I met him in 1968- almost four years."
Crystal shook her head. "That's a long time."
I held back tears. "Yeah I know."
A month later the radio began announcing that Aerosmith was playing a show in Boston and that they would give away tickets plus backstage passes to whoever won some stupid trivia contest. "Mom you have to do it." Crystal begged.
After hours of hearing her beg and plea I gave in. I went to the radio station and signed up for the contest. I had to answer ten questions of the start. Then they picked out five names. I was the second one picked. The questions were fairly easy and it was down to me and one other guy for the last round. "I'm not going to get this. They'll make it too hard."
Then the DJ popped the question. "What was the name of the high school that Tom Hamilton graduated from?"
I knew it! "New London High School." My heart stopped beating.
"You are correct!" The DJ yelled. "You are going to see the band. You have FRONT ROW seats and backstage passes!"
Crystal ran over to me and hugged me. "You did it." I started to cry a little bit. "You'll see dad for the first time in almost sixteen years."
I panicked. "I can't do it. I can't face him. I- I-"
Se managed to calm me down but when the night of the concert came I was a bundle of nerves. I bought a new outfit, a pair of jeans and a maroon tank top that showed my tattoo. I wore the necklace and the pin that Tom had given me. Crystal had bought a chain and wore his class ring around his neck. The front row seats were in the exact middle. The band came out Steven stood right in front of me during the whole first number, he kept staring at me like he knew me from somewhere. Then right at the end of the song Joe Perry came over, saw me and knew who I was.
"Joe Perry." Crystal purred. "He is ssssoooooo-"
"My age!" I yelled over the music. Tom hung around the back of the stage during the show but at the end of the show he came up front to do "Sweet Emotion". He started the bass riff and scanned the audience a little bit finally coming to me. His face went pale as a ghost and as soon as Steven started singing he moved back to the back. Finally the time came to go backstage. "I don't know if I can do this."
"Mom please!" Crystal pushed me along backstage. "I want to meet HIM! And you need to talk to Tom too."
As we made it backstage, Steven was the first one to greet me. "Janet!" He hugged me. "Long time no see. Who's this?"
"That's Crystal, my daughter."
Steven looked at her. "She looks like..." It dawned on him and he left.
Then came Joe. "You made it back here." He hugged. "I haven't seen you since, you know."
Seeing how badly she was wanting to say something to him, "This is Crystal Joe. She's really been wanting to meet you."
"Hey Crystal." Joe said. "Tom's in the back room resting." He pointed to where a curtain was. "Just tell the body guard I said it was okay for you to go back there." Joe started talking to Crystal who was absolutely drooling over him
.
I walked over slowly to the curtain. A guard blocked my way. I pointed over to Joe. "He said I could go in." Joe waved at me and the guard let me in. It was a small room with a couple of chairs and a radio that was playing some Beach Boys song. There was a couch at the opposite end. Tom was laying on it with his eyes closed. "Wake up." I yelled at him.
Tom sat up quickly. "What?" He saw me. "Janet? Um... uh- What are you doing here?"
"I won tickets off the radio." I said. There was a long silence. "So how have you been?"
Tom looked down at the floor. "Could be doing better. I'm still getting over my divorce a couple of years ago. I haven't had a chance to fully get over it. What about you? How's your life been?"
I didn't want to start off with Crystal. "Oh I'm an Art teacher now. I also do some painting in my spare time. And I've been raising my daughter Crystal."
"Crystal?" Tom thought for a second. "That's a pretty name. How old is she?"
I sighed. "Fifteen."
"Fifteen huh?" Tom laughed. "Bet you have to pry the boys off the front porch with a crow bar. That is if she looks half as pretty as you do."
I peeked out the curtain. "Actually I think she looks more like her father." I motioned for her to come over and the look on her face definitely meant that she didn't want to leave Joe. "Want to meet her?"
Tom shrugged. "Why not?" Crystal stepped through the curtain and Tom went pale again. "She sorta looks like-"
"You?" I looked at Crystal. "She turned fifteen about two months ago. Do the math."
Tom got up from the couch. "You could have told me that you were-"
"I couldn't face you so soon after what I did." I wiped tears out of my eyes. "I still can't believe I did that."
"I can't blame you." Tom said. "I probably deserved it. Not that I can remember much about it." He looked over at Crystal. "I thought a girl would have all of your looks. And if you had a boy it would look more like me."
Crystal finally spoke. "So you're my dad?" Tom nodded and she ran over and hugged him with tears rolling down her cheeks. She took the chain off of her neck. "This is yours."
Tom took the chain with the ring on it. "If this is mine..." He took a chain off of his neck. "This is your mom's." It had my class ring on it plus the charm of the necklace I bought him.
I took the necklace from him. "You kept yours too?" I showed him that I still had the pin and the necklace.
"I still have the drawing too." Tom said. "It's hanging on the wall in my living room. Terry kept trying to make me take it down. She wasn't too thrilled about the tattoo either."
"Tattoo?" Crystal was curious. "Did you get "JANET" tattooed on you?"
"No." Tom unbuttoned his shirt a little bit to show her. "It's a copy of a picture your mom drew me." He smiled. "Steven still thinks that picture is cool. He says it every time he comes over."
Joey poked his head in the curtain. "Hey Janet. Steven told me you were here."
"Hi Joey." I waved to him.
"I see you're busy. I'll talk to you some other time." Joey went back outside.
Tom sighed. "Well time's almost up. The security guards'll be asking people to leave soon. Can you give me your number? Maybe you'd like to stop by my place sometime."
I smiled. "Sure."
Tom didn't call me until the tour was over, which was three months later. I went out to his house with Crystal, we were both nervous. He answered the door and gave us both a big hug and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Come on in. You guys want anything?" He gave a us a little tour of his house. He stopped in the living room and showed me where he proudly displayed my work of art. "It's been there since we moved in."
As me and Tom talked, Crystal started looking at little pictures that were around the house. She came back in the living room with a picture in her hand. "Mom is this you?"
I looked at the picture. "This us on prom night."
Tom remembered, "Yeah I bugged the band for half the night to play, "And I Love Her" by the Beatles because it was the first song we slow danced to."
"You remember that?" I was about ready to start crying again.
"I never forgot that." Tom sat down on the couch. "I still remember watching the Beatles Cartoon show on Saturday morning." He laughed and pointed to me as he looked at Crystal. "She knew some of the episode by heart. Her favorite one was It Won't Be Long. John ended up getting shrunken and the band thought he was a doll."
I laughed a little bit. "Drove his little sister nuts. She would tell me to shut up."
"Oh!" Tom jumped up from his chair. "That reminds me! I got something for you about a month ago!" He came back with something in a brown paper bag. "I got this signed for. You'll never guess who I met in New York..." He took out a Beatles LP, the "White Album". And on the front it was signed... PAUL MCCARTNEY!
"Oh my god!" I yelled. I took the album out of his hands and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you!"
"You're welcome." Tom smiled. "I had this on me and I kinda ran into him. One of those weird chances."
Crystal looked at the album. "The Beatles? Mom, the broke up a long time ago."
They were around when I was your age." I ran my hand over the signature. "I was a huge fan."
Tom smiled. "I even dressed up as Paul for her on Halloween once."
Crystal heard a barking sound from outside. "You have a dog?"
Yeah. His name is Sparky." Tom started giggling. "I got his name after I was tlling jokes to the band. The punch line of one just happen to be Sparky so I thought it fit."
"What was the joke?" Crystal asked.
"What do you call a dog with really short legs and steel balls?"
Crystal thought for a second and burst out laughing. "That's bad. He doesn't bite does he?"
"No." Tom said. "He'll more likely kill you by drowning you with his saliva." Crystal went and played with the dog leaving me and Tom alone. "I want to ask you something."
I felt my heart almost leap out of my chest. "What?"
"You don't hate me for what I did do you?"
I shook my head. "No!"
Tom sat down in a chair. "I've hated myself a little bit. I married Terry not long after you and I broke up. It wasn't a really good marriage, I was on the road all the time and the drugs, she couldn't take it and she left. I got her to come back a couple of times but three years ago she decided she'd had enough and left. I'm still depressed a little about it. And actually for the past year all I've really thought about is you."
"Really?" I sat down in the chair across from him.
"Yeah. I was thinking that you probably had a family of your own and you were happy." Tom looked at me. "I've been miserable for the past sixteen years. And I made the biggest mistake of my life not marrying you."
I knew that he meant it. "It may have been. It was your choice."
Tom started to get angry. "I don't know why I couldn't wait. Now I missed out seeing my daughter grow up. You don't have any other kids?"
"No." I said. "I haven't gotten married yet. I haven't found the right one."
Tom got up from his chair. "Hold on one second." He ran down a hallway and I heard him open a door. I heard the sound of drawers opening. "Damnit! I know it's here somewhere!" He came back in the living room. "You found the right one." He took out a diamond ring. "It's just the right one didn't have his head screwed on right."
"Tom..."
Tom got down on one knee. "Before I make another stupid mistake, Will you “Marry me?"
"Yes!" I let him slip the ring on my finger and kissed him on the lips for a long time.
Crystal had been watching the whole time. "This is what I was hoping for."
I turned around. "You were?"
Crystal smiled. "Joe told me a lot about you two. You were made for each other."
Tom took me in his arms. "I knew that from the first time I laid eyes her."