By unknown, rewritten by Josie Whitford
(Rated R for language and gore)

(The phone rings, and Steven gets up from his couch to answer it)Steven: Yello?

Scary Voice: Hello, Steven.

Steven: Um, who is this?

Scary Voice: Well, you tell me.

Steven: I have no idea.

Scary Voice: Do you like scary movies?

Scary Voice: That's not what I'm talking about you fucking idiot! I mean HORROR movies! Like, 'Halloween H20' or 'Friday the 13th', something like that!

Steven: Ohhh! Not really, I don't watch much shit like that. At least not without my wife around ... hold up a minute, who the hell is this? I've got a few groupies comin' over in a second, so I can't be wastin' my flava on you!

Scary Voice: One of 'em wouldn't be..... Britney- would it?

Steven: HELL NO! I wouldn't touch that skank if you PAID me!

Scary Voice: Then who the hell do I have tied up on your patio?

Steven: WHAT?! (Steven runs to the sliding door and turns on the patio lights. There sits Britney, tied to a chair bruised and bleeding)

Steven: Allright!- it's abouts time someone did that!

Scary Voice: We're going to play a little game, Steven. If you answer the question right, Britney lives. If you get it wrong, then I kill her and leave her body in your Porche.

Steven: My Porche! Oh my God, the blood would never come out of the upholstery! (Steven starts to cry.) Okay, okay! I'll play yo' game

Scary Voice: First question ... name the members of NSYNC in 10 seconds or less Steven: [Pausing] Uhh, well Justin ... um, there's JC, ...what's-his-face Chris!... uh, there's one named Lance, right? Okay, thats four...

Scary Voice: Times up! Say bye-bye toBritney! (Steven watches in horror as Britney is gutted, her guts falling all over the patio.

Scary Voice: Now, Steven. On to Round Two ... how old are you?

Steven: What?

Scary Voice: You heard me, what is how OLD are you?! (Steven is silent, pondering to himself.)Are you younger or older than 50 Steven?!?

Steven: (finally, after a hesitation, he answers...) Hey, is this a trick question?

Scary Voice: Wrong Answer, Steven! (A dark figure, wearing a white ghost mask, suddenly jumps through theglass door. He stabs Steven 34 times. {violent isn't it folks?} and hangs his body from the rafters.)

Steven (dying): Joey!...Thats..who da other..one...is!

(The next day at Joe's Studio, Aerosmith finds out the horrible news...) Joe: (hanging up the phone)Hey, you guys, I got some bad news. Somebody killed Steven last night.

Brad: WHAT?!

Tom: Oh my God! Steven's dead?! Without Steven, we're ruined! Who else can even get 8-year-olds sexually aroused but him? Certainly not any of us.

Joey: Hey, when are we eating?

Joe: Is that all you can think about? My BEST FRIEND is dead!

Tom: He was the only one who ever laughed at my jokes! I'm screwed! Brad: Hey, on the plus side, somebody killed Britney too.

Joe: Well, I guess every cloud does have its silver lining.

(One of their managers enters the room)

Mananger: Boys, I'm sure you've heard theterrible news. I'm probably losing thousands of dollars as we speak. Anyway, to be on the safe side, I'm imposing a curfew on you. You must all be indoors by 11 o' clock (Manager exits).

Joe: What a fat piece of shit

Joey:(looking up from a bag of chips): Huh?

Joe: No, not you Joey. I was talking about our manager

Joey: Oh.

Tom: So what are we going to do?

Brad: Well, if we have to be in by eleven, why don't we invite all of our friends over so we won't be lonely?

Joe: Yeah, but Brad, you don't have any friends.

Brad: Oh yeah. Okay, why don't we just all get wasted and make fun of Joey instead?

Joe and Tom: Okay!

(Later that night, at Tom's house0

Tom: Hey, can somebody get me another beer?

Brad: Yeah, me too.

Joe: Me three.

(They all turn to stare at Joey.)

Joey: How come I'm always the one who has to get the beer?

Joe: What else are you good for?

Brad: Hey Joey, I think there's a coke in the garage.

Joey: Coke?

Brad (nodding): Yeah, a Tit-shaped one. You can have it if you get us more beer.

Joey: TIT-SHAPED!! Oh my, God, I think I just had an orgasm! Joe: That was more than I needed to know.

Tom: (belches) Fuckin' pervert...

(Joey takes off running. He enters the garage and looks around excitedly. His excitement soon turns to confusion.) Joey: Hey, I don't see any coke! But Brad wouldn't LIE to me! I've shared too much of myself with him to do that! (Suddenly, the door slams. Joey whirls around only to come face to face with the dark, scary ghost-faced man.) What the hell? (The killer raises a knife and charges at Joey. Joey shrieks and tries to squeeze through the cat door, only to find that his head is the only thing he can fit.)Well, this is...awkward.

(The killer hits the garage door opener and Joey is decapitated. Poor Joey. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the house...)

Joe: {returning from the bathroom, YES, contrary to rock star belief, Aerosmith DOES use the bathroom!} Hey guys, what's taking Joey so long?

Brad: Who cares? He's gone. Lets enjoy the moment.

Joe: Well, I'm going to check on him. (Joe heads to the garage, and discovers Joey's body hanging from the door. Suppressing the urge to vomit, he runs back to the living room to tell Tom and Brad what he'd discovered. Paniced, he says) You guys! Joey's dead! I saw his body hanging ... (trailing off) Uh, guys, why are you SMILING like that

(Brad and Tom look at eachother and laugh.)

Tom: What's not to smile about? Steven's dead, Joey's dead, and soon you'll be dead. (Tom raises a bloody knifeand slowly advances towards Joe.) You like my knife? It's an antique. As a few mags. reported, I really do collect them. But you already knew that, didn't you, Joe? That's because you know everything, don't you?

Joe: Brad! Help me out here!

Brad : Help? HELP? Why? So you can steal more of my solos later? I don't think so.

Joe: Why? Why would you do something like this?

Brad: Why? Lets see, how you would feel if people constantly told you that you couldn't play, that you were really a girl, and that you were having sex with JOEY?! You would want to kill people too!

Joe: You've got a point ... but Brad, you ARE having sex with JOEY..

Brad: Shut the fuck up!

Joe: Well WERE having......

Brad: God Damnit! You heard me: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Joe: Tom? What about you, what's YOUR motive, huh?

Tom: My motive? I'm a 48 year old virgin {not really, but I couldn't find anything better to be pissed at..... whatever} who hardly anyone knows exists in the fucking band, and the only people who see me as a sexual being are totally obssesed fat chicks! Plus, I'm the CRAZY one of the group! It comes with the territory!

Joe: Fair enough.

Brad: But you haven't even seen the best part. (Brad snaps his fingers.) Tom! Bring the surprise! (Tom disappears and returns with a brown haired guy , gagged and bound.)

Joe: Oh my God! You've kidnapped Mick Jagger!

Brad: Picture this: Mick relizes that he is not the number one sexiest front man ever anymore because of a certain STEVEN TYLER. After 25 years of putting up with it He finally snaps, and goes on a killing spree. He kills all the members of Aerosmith, except, of course, me and Tom.

Tom: Being the stupid fuck that he is, he forgets that we're in the band ... actually, most people tend to forget that.

Brad: Then, the reality of what he's done hits him, and he kills himself. It's perfect!

Joe: Yeah, except ... hey, what's Karen doing here (Brad turns around quickly. Joe quickly kicks the knife out of Brad's hand and grabs it. He stabs Tom through the forehead. Tom stumbles and falls face-first into a kitty-litter box.)

Brad: Wow, he finally did something funny.

Joe: I'll say.

(The two continue to struggle as Mick Jagger wets his pants for the fifth time. Finally, Joe manages to tip the refrigerator over, crushingBrad's skull. Joe unties Mick.)

Mick: Oh, Joe! Your my hero!

Joe: Dude, get the fuck off me. (Joe brushes himself off.) Hey, now I can re-start my solo career! What a great ending! I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (Sound of beeping alarm clock. Joe sits up in bed) AAAHHHHH!!! (He is breathing heavily. He Looks around room realizing he's on tour) Oh man it was just a bad dream. <takes a shower> (He comes out of the bathroom in a bathrobe and starts looking though his drawers when there is a knock at the door) Who is it? (No answer) Who is it? (Still no answer) WHO IS IT?!? (They're not saying anthing. Joe opens the door and comes face to face with someone in a white ghost mask) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! (Pushes past and runs down the hallway

Steven: (pulls mask off) Geez! I guess he didn't like my Halloween costume.