By Sarah D. Hunter
(Rated PG)
By Sarah D. Hunter
(Rated PG)
I sat down; all airplane seats were the same, uncomfortable to say the least. This was our third flight today; one from Boston to North Carolina, then onto Florida, and now to this one, taking us to the little town of White Oaks near the coast. The rest of the guys seemed happy to be going on this little holiday, I tried not to bring them down. We were already on board, when three business-type guys came on. They sat behind us. I counted eight men, and fifteen seats: that meant seven left empty.
I glanced at Steven as he talked with Joey; we did look like twins today. Tom had already pointed it out. Steven had his hair darken; he replaced his large sunglasses with a smaller pair. We wore the same faded jeans, and we even had on the same goddamn shirt on, white tee with the Mount Blue logo on the front. We might as well dress alike; God knows that we had better think alike!
Then Steven sat down next to me, stuck his sunglasses in his shirt collar and picked up a magazine. Out of all the goddamned seats, he’s gotta sit by me! Christ, I can’t have any peace for a second! It’s like he’s got fuckin’ radar!
This was much easier when I was stoned; just woke up in another city. The engines roared to life. I silently did my ritual again; I do it whenever I fly. I know it’s silly, but it makes me feel better, it makes me feel like I have some control of my destiny. I’m not thrilled with flying; that’s why I’d taken up piloting airplanes-to try to understand them. Statistics didn’t lie: as much as we’ve flown, one of these times luck wouldn’t be on our side. The plane took off without a hitch.
I drew a deep breath and got rid of my shades, too. Then I noticed this book in the holder, tucked behind the ‘Emergency Tips’ laminate and magazines. I looked at it and pulled it out. ‘Murderers and Their Victims’; it wasn’t my typical reading choice, but it beat staring blanking out the window.
"So what’s that?” Steven looked over the edge of his own magazine.
“It’s a book.” I replied in my best smart-ass tone.
“Yeah, I know that!” Steven rolled his eyes at me. “What’s it about?”
I closed the book and placed it in my lap. I looked out the window at the clouds racing by. Why am I here? Oh yeah, vacation. How could I forget?
“Everything OK, Joe?”
“Of course it is! It always is! Everything’s just fuckin’ great!” I was shocked at my own tone. My eyes locked onto Steven’s; I just wanted to punch him out.
Steven went back a bit; I knew I’d thrown him for a loop. “Man, just trying to make conversation!” He returned to his own magazine.
I knew that they all heard my little emotional outburst. I felt bad, not so much for what was said, but for the way I felt. I returned to the book, but I wasn’t really reading it. My mind wandered. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be sleeping in my own bed even if I was alone. I was tired of being treated like a child. I was tired of caving in to Steven’s whims. I’m just plain tired. There was that knot in my stomach again; I rubbed it away.
I felt the plane land; we had arrived. Boy, oh boy, oh boy! Vacation. Big fuckin’ deal. Let’s get the goddamned thing over with so I can just go home. I closed the book, and pick up my bag. I didn’t say much to the others; I was really felling bad about my outburst now. We walked out onto the tarmac; it was a beautiful day in paradise. A tan suburban with the words ‘White Oaks Inn’ on the door was parked, waiting for us. We packed our luggage into the backseat.
“So, where is this resort?” Joey asked.
“Not far, about five miles,” Steven answered, “We have it to ourselves.”
“So how’d you ever find this place?” Brad looked at Steven.
“Actually, I used to come down here for some really good blow. This was the dealer’s home; I figured I paid for most of the place. When they got divorced, Gretchen Caulfield bought it, and she made it into a resort. It’s the off season, so I got a pretty damned good deal.” I heard him talk about this Gretchen, Steven had met her in his NA meetings.
“Steven Tyler, business tycoon! Lookout Donald Trump!” Tom laughed; I smiled.
The place looked like it was out of ‘Gone With The Wind’, huge white columns that framed the front of the house. Incredibly manicured lawn, beautiful shade trees. It was a miracle that the place was still standing; with all the hurricanes that go through. I was actually glad I’d come. Just the sight of this estate had been worth the trouble of getting here.
“It’s beautiful, Steven.” Brad said.
“Glad you like it.” Steven led the way to the house.
The inside was just as spectacular as the outside; it was right out of ‘Gone With The Wind’; I wouldn’t have been surprised to see Scarlett O’Hara coming down the stairs. It was decked out in Victorian period-heavily carved wood furniture, windows dripping with lace and brocade. We were standing in a large front foyer, surrounded by antiques. An open staircase was in front of us; it looked like the two upper hallways adjoined at the landing.
“Looks like nobody’s here at all.” I took a few steps ahead of the others.
“You wanted to be alone.” Steven said. I heard the little snip in his voice; I deserved it.
“Hello, you must be the Tyler party,” A woman’s voice called out in a sweet airy tone. I turned to see this young woman standing in the doorway. She was small; she didn’t even come up to Joey’s shoulder. She was dark skinned; most likely she came from some Spanish, African, and French stock.
“I’m Candice,” she shook Steven’s hand. “I’m sort of your girl Friday; anything you need, just let me know.”
“Hi, Candice; I’m Steven, this is Brad, Joey, Tom and Joe.”
“Hello. You pretty muh have the run of the place; our only rule is no smoking in the house, you must smoke outside.”
I grunted at her rule. I was getting used to everyone’s little ‘smoking is bad for you, and I don’t want to breathe it either so get the fuck away from me’ thing, but I liked the thought of lighting up whenever and wherever I wanted to. The only place I knew of was-at my house; gee, reason number forty-seven why I should be there!
This Candice ignored me and continued. “I live at the cottage, beside the garden. All you have to do is call, and my pager goes off. I’ll come in to cook, and clean. I’ve already received your menus.”
“Menus?” I echoed; I looked at Steven, “You’ve decided what we’re all eating for two weeks?” Goddamned control freak!
Steven started in to protest, when Candice answered. “I’m sorry; I should have phrased it better. Steven just faxed what preferences all of you had; your likes and dislikes.”
“Oh. Yeah, that’s cool,” I muttered. “Where are our rooms?”
“I’ll take you,” She raised her eyebrows at me a bit, then she went up the staircase. The rest of the house was as fantastic as the foyer.
“How old is this place, Candice?” Tom asked, he stopped and looked at the painting of this young woman; blond, fair skinned, dressed in a white flowing gown. It was hanging in prominence at the top of the staircase.
“The White Oaks Plantation was built in 1820,” Candice began, “The owner, Mordicai Young, started out a slave trader. He got rich very quickly; he retired and got into the plantation life. The house was passed to his son and his wife, this woman. She is Helen Young; she was killed here. The portrait marks the place where she was found.”
“Killed?” Joey echoed. “How?”
“It was one of the few crimes where the butler actually did it. He stabbed her to death. You can still see some of her blood stains on the oak floor.” There were faint dark spots; most of the Persian carpet covered it.
“Why?” Steven took his eyes off the floor to look at the portrait again.
“She was as beautiful as she was cruel. It was rumored that they had an affair, she decided to break it off.” She gazed down, then right into my eyes. “Oh, I see that you like to study murders, too.”
I frowned, I didn’t understand. Then I looked down, and saw the book tucked under my arm. I didn’t realize that I even had it. “Oh, this, it’s not really mine.”
“I see. Well, I’ll show you to your rooms.”
I began to unpack. It was a very nice large room; I was at the end of the hall. My window overlooked the back of the house. The room was done in pleasant calming shades of blues and grays. I looked at the cover of that book; I wondered why I even brought it with me.
I stretched out on the bed. My mind wandered again. Christ, why am I being so mean to Steven? It’s not his fault that my life’s gone to hell! I couldn’t answer it; Steven was just pushing my buttons today.
I heard a rap on the door; I grunted as I rose. Probably that damned Steven, wanting me to go golfing. He probably planned out my entire two weeks right down to the fucking minute. Another knock. Damned impatient bastard…
“Yeah.” I snarled then opened the door. I was surprised. “Oh, Candice.” I softened my tone.
“Hello Joe.” She smiled; she had a very full mouth. “Is everything to your liking?”
“Yes, it’s very nice, very comfortable.”
“May I come in?”
“Sure.” I closed the door behind her; I turned to see her already putting my clothes away.
“Hey that’s fine. I can get it.” I took the shirts out of her hands. She had very soft small hands.
“But that’s my job-”
“No, I can get it. Thanks anyway.”
“Oh, alright. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Uh, no. I think I have everything.”
She picked up the book, “Can I take this?”
“Sure. Like I said, it’s not mine. I just found it on the plane. I should really turn it in; someone’s missing it.”
She paged through it; she seemed pleased. “Thanks. If you want, I’ll take it to the airport as soon as I’m done with it.”
She was really making me feel uncomfortable; I didn’t know why. “Oh, well, uh, that’s a lot of unnecessary work for you. You know, it’s not a big deal. I should have been thinking; I can take it back.” I placed the shirts in the drawer.
“It’s my job to make your stay here enjoyable. You are on your vacation. You needn’t think about this book again. If you need anything, please call.”
“Thanks, Candice.”
She left; I looked at the rest of my clothes, but decided that they could wait. I returned to the bed.
I shaved, showered and changed clothes; I was going to try and be nicer to everyone, especially to Steven. I knew I ’d been an absolute bastard to everybody lately; but I had a lot on my mind. I thought about telling them, but, well, I don’t know. I just couldn’t do it. Maybe they would have understood, maybe not. I never was the type that went running around crying on everybody’s shoulder. It was my problem and mine alone.
I came down at five; I found Steven outside. He was sitting on the stone railing; basking in the sunshine. He reminded me of a little lizard, sitting on top of his rock happier than hell. At least, we weren’t wearing similar clothes.
“Hey Steven.” I leaned on the other railing.
“Joe.” He drew a deep breath, “What a gorgeous day.”
“Yeah,” I squinted at the glare of the sun. “Steven, hey man, I’m sorry about everything. I’ve been treating you like shit. I guess I’m just on edge.” I should tell Steven the problem on my mind, but I didn’t want to face it.
“That’s OK, Joe.” Steven seemed so nonchalant. “That’s what vacations are for! Get away from everything, unwind, and so just relax. It was a great tour, but it’s nice to have it behind us.”
“Yeah, I suppose so.”
Steven cocked his head at me. “That’s a nice shirt. Where’d you get that one?”
I looked down at my medium purplish-blue shirt. “This? Billie got it for me. Why? You gonna go buy one so we can be twins again?” I did smile trying to soften my harsh tone.
“No, I think that you look nice in blue; you should wear it more.”
“Oh, thanks.” I thought of Candice. “Hey, did that girl come to your room?”
“Candice?” Steven shook his head.
“She wanted to put my stuff away; she ended up taking that book I got off the plane, and she’s taking it back to the airport for me.”
“Did you let her?” Steven’s eyebrows slowly went up. “You know, put your stuff away?” I knew what Steven was driving at: None of us had been the most faithful husbands in the world. I was just a man. Sometimes I had been unfaithful to Billie; I wasn’t proud of it. It could be very lonely on the road. I wasn’t on the road now.
“No.” I lit my cigar.
“Maybe she just wanted to get close to you.” Now Steven fluttered his eyelids up and down. God he could be childish!
I took a long puff and thought; she was pretty, very pretty. “I don’t know.” I said and watched the smoke disappear in the air.
Steven smiled, “Man, you can be so naïve at times! She was checking you out!”
“Christ Steven! I’m old enough to be her dad!”
“So? Look at her!” Steven motioned with his head; I turned to see her. Candice had on a cream colored long dress; she had very nice shoulders. She had her hair pulled back at the nape of her neck. She reminded me of a porcelain doll; she was so delicate.
Candice came through the French doors, “Dinner’s ready.” She silently left.
Steven purred as she walked out of view. I had no comment; we both walked into the house.
It was a quiet evening, I wasn’t so sure about the main course; it was too spicy. I never thought anything could be too spicy, but I ate it, just to be nice. I should have told them; it was my own fault. Spicy foods hadn’t been sitting well with me lately. I knew that Steven had gone ahead and ordered all the meals; Candice had just covered his ass. That’s how Steven Tyler operates: he’s a control freak.
I thought it was just my imagination, but I got the feeling that Candice had been flirting with me all through the night. The first time, was when she handed me my glass, she ran her fingers over mine. I thought that this was just an innocent touch. She seemed just a little more attentive to me; sure it was her job, but she was waiting on me hand and foot. Any time I looked her way, I saw her eyeing me. I was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable again; then I saw the rest of the guys nudging each other and smirking. That cinched it: They saw it too.
Steven, Joey, and Brad decided to shoot some pool, Tom had gone off to bed. I stood outside, near the garden, looking over the compound. The moon was high over the trees. I chewed on a few antacid tablets; Christ it was hell to get old!
I took a long puff off my cigar, when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see Candice standing there; she had a shawl over her shoulders.
“Lovely night.” She said, “I’m not bothering you, am I?” Her voice was almost lyrical, so captivating. I saw the moonlight dancing in those almond eyes.
“Nah.” I blew a cloud of smoke out.
“I’m sorry about the smoking rule, I know it bothers you. It’s just that our insurance is so very expensive. We can’t afford to have a guest being careless.”
“I understand. I can handle it.”
“It’s a beautiful moon.” She pulled the shawl closer around her.
We both stood there, silently looking at it. I didn’t want to come off as a snobbish, power-mad rock star; I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I didn’t want to lead her on, either. No harm in just talking to her; I broke the ice. “So, how long you’ve worked here?” We started walking down the path.
“All my life.”
“Really, and how long is that?”
She laughed, “Seventeen years.”
“Wait, you’re only seventeen years old?” I tried to hide my astonishment. She nodded. Oh, my God! She’s only seventeen! I wear jeans older than she is! I was thirty-five when she was born! Oh, Christ, it was hell to get old!
She added. “I’m nearly eighteen.”
Seventeen or eighteen; thirty-four or thirty-five. Not a big difference.
“My father did send me to Atlanta for a while; he wanted me to go to a proper school, then he died in a boating accident.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. He was the last of my family, my mother died when I was very young. I came back to try to get my bearings, besides I missed the town, and this house; I love the place. I remember my father talking about Steven coming. He said that he was a very nice man, but he hung with the wrong crowd.”
“Yeah. That’s a nice way of putting it.” I ended up walking her to her door.
Candice ran her hand over my shoulder. “Would you like to come in? For coffee, or something?”
Something…I really wanted to, but no. Not with a seventeen year old. “Can I take a rain check?”
“Sure. If I can ever do anything for you, feel free to drop by.” She gave me a warm smile, a smile that said anything. Thankfully, she walked inside before I could even react.
I went back to the main house; I had to. I went to the billiard room; Steven was beating the shit out of them. “God Joe, you should have been here!” Joey exclaimed. “Maybe you could have iced Steven!”
“Ah! Steven just got lucky!” I grabbed a cue. “Rack ‘em up!”
On the first day, Steven insisted on touring the reef. Okay, I’ll admit it, when Steven Tyler’s right; he’s right. And man, was he was right about this reef. It was beautiful; nothing like the beauty and awe of nature in its purest form.
The next day, we went into the town, to check out the locals. It was a nice quiet town; hardly anyone recognized us. I did notice that the locals didn’t really ever come up with any sort of original names for any of the stores or businesses. The bar was titled: The Bar, the drug store was: The Drug Store. The laundromat was; well you guessed it. Old Mordicai Young must have started that tradition, name your house for the town it’s sitting by. We wondered if the whorehouse was following in that same vein. We were falling into a nice routine, that is, everyone except for me. The dull ache in my stomach was becoming constant instead of occasional. I was living on antacids. I decided not to bitch, no sense in ruining everyone else’s vacation. I was really trying to make the best of it; I was trying to keep my temper under control.
Evenings were also getting into a routine: She was really starting to work on me, and I was beginning to weaken. I caught myself staring back at her; I was just a lonely man and she was a beautiful young girl. I realized how long it had been since I’d held a woman; made love to a woman. I knew that this was wrong; I couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t want to hurt her; maybe she was just a star-struck kid. Why start something anyway? We would be gone soon, back to good old Boston.
We had been here for five long days and nights, when the shit hit the fan. It started innocently enough. I was walking in the hallway, from my room, when I saw her dusting the portrait of Helen Young. I slowed up, watching her standing on this ladder, stretching her arms to reach the very top of the frame. She had this little blue clingy shirt on and short cutoff jeans. God! I’m a fool not to want her! I thought. She stepped off the ladder; then smiled at me.
“Do you need some help?” I asked, trying to be helpful, instead of just standing there leering at her like a dirty old man.
“No, it’s my job. Thanks anyway.” She moved the ladder down a bit, and then walked back to retrieve her supplies. Her shoulder brushed against me, nothing too physical, but it sent my mind into overdrive. My face felt hot.
“Candice!” Steven called out; he was running up the staircase. “Hey there, Joe.” As he came closer, I saw that smirk on Steven’s face. He saw my flushed face; I knew that I would be getting teased later, but for now Steven turned his attention to Candice. “We were thinking, that we want to give you a night off.”
She frowned, “I don’t understand.”
“Well, you’ve been so nice to us, we kinda decided to go into town and eat at the Bistro.”
Oh thank you, Steven! I could have a night away from her! The temptation would be gone! Man, I could have hugged him.
“What have I done wrong? I thought you liked your meals!” Candice was hurt.
“Oh, no! It’s been great!” Steven reassured her.
Candice was still puzzled.
“Well, we decided to give you a break; you can have a night away from us slobs. You deserve it, Candice.” Steven’s face lit up. “Hey, why don’t you join us?”
Damn you, Steven!
“Oh, I couldn’t! I’m just the hired help-”
“Well, that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve a break, too. Right Joe?”
“Uh, yeah,” I looked at her, then quickly back to Steven. “That’s a great idea, Steven.” What the hell could I say?
“Very well, I would love to. I’ll meet you there.”
“Great, we’ll be there about seven.” We both watched her walk down the staircase. I looked at Steven, he was still watching her: If looks could kill, man he’d been dead on the floor…
I retreated back to my room after Steven’s invitation. I didn’t know why I felt so guilty. I hadn’t even done anything and I felt guilty as hell. My stomach burned, and now my chest ached, too. It was stress; I knew it. I should have gone to my doctor. I figured that all he would have done was to take my cigars away, and tell me to relax. Man, nothing pissed me off more than that: Just relax. Easier fuckin’ said than done.
I decided to break out my black shirt and black jeans; I’d been trying not to wear dark colors, with the heat and all, but this felt like a dark night. I wanted this dinner to be over with as quickly as possible.
I was closing my door when I saw Steven was doing the same. Steven was dressed rather quiet for him-a dark red shirt and khaki jeans. I walked to him.
“Hope your hungry, buddy!” Then Steven frowned. “How much weight have you lost, Joe?” Steven gave my stomach a pat; I noticed my clothes were fitting looser, too.
I hung my head down, and ignored his question. Let’s cut to the fuckin’ chase. “Steven, why are you doing this?” I didn’t raise my head.
“Huh? What?”
You know what, you bastard! I made myself look into Steven’s eyes. “Candice. Why did you invite her?”
Steven shrugged. “She’s a nice girl. She deserves a night out.”
I suddenly became afraid. I didn’t know why or what triggered it, but I was just terrified. “I’m not going.” I turned back to my room. My hands were shaking; I could feel my heart race. I just wanted to get to my door.
“What? Joe, what the matter? Its just dinner.”
His tone stopped me dead in my tracks. I faced him again; I wasn’t in the mood to fight him. I drew a deep breath, and pulled my courage forward. It was silly to be afraid of Candice. Why should I be afraid of a little seventeen-year-old girl?
“Yeah, you’re right; its just dinner.” I said; I followed Steven. Hopefully, I could eat something off the menu. That’s what was probably wrong: I needed to eat some real food, there can’t be much nutritional value in antacids.
The guys were waiting for us. I descended slowly down the staircase; Steven bounded down like the March Hare. Tom was wearing a white shirt, and tan pants; Brad was dressed in light greens, Joey in light blue.
“Man, Joe, you look like your being sent to the gallows!” Brad exclaimed.
“Oh, I’m fine.” I made sure that I had my cigar case.
Steven started for the door; I was the last to leave.
We entered this bistro; it was a warm, friendly place. There were a few tourists, but mostly the locals. Candice was sitting at the bar. She was dressed in a dark blue strapless dress; she had her black hair pulled up into a loose French twist. She looked around and saw us. I felt my chest tighten as she came closer.
“Hello.” She smiled.
“Candice, you look great!” Steven gave her a little kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks. I saved us a table.” Her eyes locked on me. I quickly looked away.
I sat down on the corner of the table; I always try to. Being a lefty, well, it can run into a little elbow tag if I sit next to a righty. She sat across from me; I wanted to disappear. I tried to avoid her, but it was hard with her sitting right across from me. She made some small talk about the place; how it was once a Christian mission. Thankfully Tom sat next to me; he carried the conversation. Brad was across from Tom, and next to Candice. Joey sat on the other side of Tom and Steven was across from Joey.
I had been trying to keep up a front, but I just couldn’t pull it off tonight; I knew I couldn’t handle anything with any spice or seasoning. So I ordered the blandest thing I could find: Grilled whitefish with no seasonings whatsoever. I saw the guys look at each other like What?
Our meals finally came; the waitress sat my plate down in front of me. I realized that I wasn’t very hungry; it didn’t really even smell all that great. I looked at the fish, and finally picked up my fork. I looked over and saw Steven staring at me, like What the fuck’s the matter with you? Oh great. So I kept my head down, staring at the plate. The sound of their forks and knives on the plates was even making me feel nauseous. God, would this night ever fucking end?
“Joe, do you want to order something else?” Tom asked.
It shocked me that he noticed that I wasn’t eating. I guess I was the center of attention; everybody seemed to be watching my every fucking move. “Nah, it’s fine.” I said. I did put a forkful in my mouth, just to make it look good. I had to wash it down with water. Tasteless shit.
“Maybe you want to try some of mine?” Brad motioned to his; he ordered some kind of burrito. My stomach knotted up just thinking about it.
“Nah, that’s alright. Thanks anyway Brad, I knew what I was ordering.”
Brad gave a shrug, and continued his meal. I mostly played with my food, pushing it from one side of the plate to the other.
Then I felt her foot; I looked at her and she raised an eyebrow at me, it wasn’t an innocent brush. I looked over at the rest of the guys; nobody noticed her. Oh sure, notice me not eating, but you don’t see her! Typical. I stared back at my boring grilled fish.
Her foot kept going up and down my leg, I tried to ignore her, but that was impossible. I tried to listen to what Steven was saying-to focus my attention on anything at all. Her foot expertly ran over me, magic little warm toes caressing my inner thigh, I dropped my fork onto my plate. That did stop Steven’s story for a moment, I got another stare, but he quickly carried on. I quickly retrieved it and kept flaking the fish apart.
Damn it, woman! Why? She loved this; I know she did. But I looked up at her again. She was giving me this rapturous stare, and she slowly licked those full red sensuous lips. She mouthed, “I’m not wearing underwear,” and then she gave me a wink.
Oh my God… I had to get away. “Excuse me.” I rose from the table and went into the men’s room. I was sweating like it was a hundred degrees. I was over the sink, wetting down my face when Steven entered.
“Joe? Are you sick?”
“No, Steven. Well, maybe I am. Hell, I just don’t know.”
“What’s the matter with you?”
I stood and patted down my neck, I quickly checked the room; we were alone. “Candice is rubbing her foot all over my leg! Then she tells me that she’s not wearing underwear!”
Steven’s eyes widened. “Whoa! Really? Man, she takes control! I never thought she’d be a flirt like that!”
“Don’t fuckin’ lie to me! You knew!” I threw my towel away. “That’s why I didn’t want her here! I’ve been trying to avoid her but it’s hard when you invite her along!”
“I’m sorry Joe. Look, what’s the problem. She’s attracted to you, and you must be to her. Right?”
I nodded. There was no sense in deny it.
“Joe, you are on a well-deserved vacation. So have some fun.”
I stared at Steven. I couldn’t believe he said it: and yet, he was Steven Tyler-of course he would say that. “I can’t. I just can’t do it! Steven, she’s seventeen-”
“Younger the better; hell, age never bothered you before!”
“She should be dating my sons!” I was getting angrier. “Why are you trying to get me to sleep with Candice? You know, I didn’t ask for your help! I don’t need your help!”
Steven gave a shrug, “I just want you to have some fun, Joe, that’s all. You’ve been so touchy lately.”
“So you figured that all I needed was a good hard fuck, and I’d be fine!”
“Yeah, something like that. Billie won’t ever find out. She’s never found out about the others.”
“I’ve told her!” Anger left my voice; it was replaced with despair. “I told her about all of them.”
Steven gasped. I knew he had told Teresa about some of the women he’d been with, but not all of them. I tried, but I just could never keep that secret from Billie. I might as well tell Steven; I should have told him right away, but it was hard to admit this failure. I leaned on the wall. “Yeah, I’ve always told her, but this time, man, I don’t know, it was different.”
“Different? How?”
I drew a deep breath; time to bear my soul. I had to face it. “Well, it led to one helluva fight! I told her that I had had sex with these girls while I was gone. She was pissed! She didn’t see why I had to be fuckin’ around when we scheduled the tour the way we did! You know, we were home a lot more on this one than ever, and she was there more than ever. So she thought that I wouldn’t have been so lonely.
“I said I was sorry, and they didn’t mean jack shit to me, she was my soulmate, they were just convenient. Hey I was careful! I used rubbers! I didn’t catch anything, and there wouldn’t be any little Perrys running around! I thought I kinda won her over. We were on our way to having some great make-up sex.
“Then, you know, we’re really getting into it. I’m thinkin’ its all taken care of. I thought that it was forgotten, and that I was forgiven; that she got over it like she had before. Then right in the middle of everything, I called her ‘Angie’.”
Steven winced.
“That ended it! Right there! Back to the fight: She wanted to know who Angie was, so I used that old line, ‘Well, I might fuck them, but I come back home to you.’ This time the line didn’t work. I got banished to the spare bedroom.”
I knew that he remembered Angie. Everybody remembered Angie! Angie was a good time girl. She’d followed us for about twelve weeks; then she ran off with AC/DC. She was a young blond, with big tits, not much upstairs; but I wasn’t into talking philosophy with her. Steven fucked her, too, but he knew that I liked her better, so he kept away. She was my good time; she was my release after the shows.
“God Steven-” I raised my eyes in an unsuccessful attempt not to cry, “Billie’s threatened to leave me!” It was the most horrible sentence I ever had to utter.
Steven was in shock. “No fucking way! She’d never leave you! The way she’s stood beside you! There’s no way in hell she’d throw everything away over this Angie!” Steven wasn’t really convincing me. He must have known it; he put his hands on my shoulders and stared me in the face. “Joe, there’s not way Billie would ever leave-”
I broke away. “People change! I remember how much I loved Elyssa! I was sure that it was forever with her! Don’t you remember how much you loved Cyrinda? Did you ever think it would end?”
“Well, yeah, to a point, I suppose.” Steven shrugged. “We thought we were in love with them; we know better now-”
I felt the tears roll down my face. “Maybe Billie thought she loved me; maybe she doesn’t love me anymore! Maybe she’s got somebody else; I don’t know!”
Steven stood there with his arms crossed. “Do you love her?”
“Of course I do! I’ve never loved anyone as much as Billie!”
“Did you tell her that? Did you tell her that you love her?”
“I tried, she wouldn’t listen to me! That’s why she sent the boys away; that’s why she left, to give me time to think, time for her to think. She’d never understand this; me fucking a girl on my vacation.” I tried to control myself, but I couldn’t. I grabbed a towel and wiped my eyes. It takes a lot for me to cry, but Billie and my sons are my world; my world was breaking apart.
Steven was sympathetic. “Look, Joe, I’m really sorry. I wish you’d told me about Billie; I wouldn’t have pushed you. I knew that there was some flirting here, but I didn’t know how deep this was going. Why don’t you talk to Candice? Try to explain it to her.”
Talking wasn’t such an easy thing; I’d always had trouble putting my feeling into words. I wasn’t like Steven: Steven could convince a drowning man that he needed a glass of water. I had rung that paper towel in my hands until it had torn in half.
I faced the mirror, wiped my eyes again, and ran my hands through my hair, trying to gain my composure. I would have to go back out there.
“I can talk to her, if you want.” Steven added.
“Nah, I’ll talk to her. It’s my problem, thanks Steven.”
I looked at Steven from the mirror; I started to ache, I involuntarily put my hand on my left side, holding my stomach. I grasped the sink with my other hand, trying to steady myself; the pain was unbearable.
“God Joe,” Steven put his hand on my shoulder, “you’re white as a sheet!”
“Steven, I’ve been sick. I think I’m getting an ulcer.” I could hardly talk. My stomach and chest ached; my heart was racing again. This was the worst I’d felt.
“Lemme help you,” Steven helped me to the chairs that lined the wall. “I’ll go get somebody. Maybe there’s a doctor out there.”
I held my head in my hands, my hands rested on my knees. “I’ll be alright, it’ll go away.” I hoped anyway. I’d been sick, but never this sick; the sweat poured off my forehead. Steven got up and came back with a cool damp towel; he placed it on the back of my neck.
“So that’s why you haven’t been eating. Why didn’t you say-” Steven went all quiet. I knew he saw me break down. I didn’t care. Steven had seen me more fucked up than this. I remained doubled over, my face in my hands. At least it was a silent cry, I wasn’t sobbing or making any real sounds. I really didn’t know if it was from the physical pain or the emotional pain-probably a little of both. Steven ran his hand over my back. I felt him put his arm around me, and gently patted my shoulder. “It’ll be alright Joe. Everything’s gonna work out.” I prayed that he was right.
It took a couple of minutes, but I did feel better. Maybe I just needed a good cry. I again stood in front of the mirror and pulled myself together. I walked out of the restroom, Steven followed.
“Sorry about that.” I drank some water and managed a slight smile at Candice.
There was this uneasy silence over the table; I ate a bit more of the fish, but not much. The only thing worse than grilled fish is cold grilled fish. My stomach was still aching. I felt like everyone was watching my every move, to see if I would bolt again. I was terrified that I would. Her foot left me alone the rest of the meal.
“So, Candice,” Steven broke the silence, “Are you having a good night out?”
“Oh, yes, it’s very nice. Seems a little strange not having to clean up.”
“The food wasn’t as good as yours.” Brad smiled at her.
“Thanks. I hate to eat and run, but I think I ought to go.”
“Oh, are you sure?” Tom asked.
“Yes, I have a long day ahead of me.” She rose, “Thanks for the night out. I hope that you’re feeling better, Joe.”
“I am. Thanks.” I watched her leave.
“Joe, are you alright? You kinda look white.” Tom tapped his fingers lightly on the table.
“Yeah. I’m just tired.” I gave a shrug.
“Well, the way you got up, we didn’t know if you got sick or what.” Brad added.
“No, I’m fine.” I knew I didn’t sound too convincing.
Joey leaned forward a bit. “You two pick a good time to leave! While you two were gone, this guy came in; he came over and was talking to Candice.”
“Old boyfriend?” Steven looked around.
“He just left before you two came back, but yeah I think that they got something going on. I wouldn’t want to piss him off; he’s a big guy. Dressed pretty nice, Armani suit.” Tom said. “He came over and wanted to know who we were, why we were here, and whywe were dining with her.”
“She said that she’d met him in Georgia.” Brad added.
I was about to pull out my cigar case, when I noticed the big NO SMOKING sign on the wall: The end to a perfect night. “Listen, I think I’ll walk back.” I stood.
Steven frowned. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, Steven.”
“I’ll drive you back.” Steven stood.
“Steven-” I began to protest.
“It’s no big deal. I’ll be back.”
We got into the suburban. “Thanks, Steven.”
“Joe, I really think you should go to a doctor.”
“Yeah, I will. I’ll go when we get back to Boston.” I looked at Steven.
We were silent. I watched the stars out the window; it was a beautiful clear night. Steven finally said, “You want to go to the emergency room?”
“Steven, I’m fine. Really. I feel pretty good now.”
“Feel good enough to eat something?”
“Yeah, well, I’ll make a sandwich when I get back.” I decided to change the subject. “Hey, when you go back, do me a favor. Don’t tell the guys about me and Billie.”
Steven stopped the suburban, “I won’t. Ya sure you’re OK? I can stick around if you want.”
“I’ve ruined this night enough already. Go back, and enjoy yourself. Later.”
I went into the house, and watched him drive away. Right now I needed a cigar; a sandwich was the last thing on my mind, so I went back outside. I puffed away, watching Candice’s cottage. I was hoping that everything would work out with her: she was a very nice girl; I didn’t want to use her. She deserved better than that. I saw the lights on at her cottage; I found myself standing at her front door.
She answered; she was dressed in a pink silk nightshirt, her hair draped nicely over her shoulders. “Joe! I’m surprised to see you! Come in!” She exclaimed.
“Thanks Candice.” She motioned for me to sit down. The cottage was decked out in pastels and whites, sorta a country French thing. Billie went through that stage too.
“I am very sorry for what happened tonight.” She said, “I know that I made you feel very uncomfortable. I just thought there was something there, between us.” She sat down and looked at me. “Is it because of my color?”
“Good God, Candice! No! I don’t have any problems with that! It’s not that I wouldn’t want to get involved, I just can’t. You see, you’re seventeen; I’m fifty two years old!”
“So? I like older men.”
“I’m married.”
“Oh, I didn’t know.” Her face fell, “Does that matter?”
“Yeah, it does. Anyway, Candice, I just can’t. I’m just here on vacation. I’m sorry if I have done anything to make you think I was interested. I didn’t mean to.”
“Oh. I see.”
I saw that she was ready to cry. “I’m very sorry, Candice. I would never want to use or hurt you.”
“I’m alright. No harm done. Friends?” She smiled and stuck out her tiny hand; I grasped it. It went better than I imagined, but she had this other guy on the side, too. “How about something to drink? I’ve got whiskey, or beer-”
“I don’t think I could handle that.”
“Oh. Well, I have some coffee; it’s decaf.”
“Yeah, alright.” There was no harm in having a cup of coffee with her. I watched her walk into the kitchen; I caught myself looking at her perfect legs. Soon she came back with two cups.
“Here you are; I hope its not too strong for you,” she handed me a cup.
“Thanks.” I thought it tasted a bit bitter, but nothing tasted right anyway. “I heard that a guy came into the Bistro and wanted to know who we were,” I took another drink; she did brewed it stronger than I liked.
“Oh, Sebastian. I guess the others told you about the little scene he made.” She shook her head, “He was my fiancée, he just can’t really let me go. I met him at school last year; he was one of my teachers. Now he’s a businessman in New York, mostly stock markets. He comes back once a month, he usually is gone by now. He can be insanely jealous.”
“Is that why you didn’t marry him?”
“There were a lot of reasons. Mostly because my father didn’t like him because he’s white, and he’s about fifteen years older than I am. Sebastian thought I would marry him after my father died, but he wanted me to move with him to New York, I can’t do that.”
I suddenly felt funny. It felt like I was drunk. I blinked a couple of times, but it didn’t let up. I tried to stand, but I ended up falling back onto the couch. I felt her hands rub up and down on my chest.
I realized what she had done. “Damn it, Candice! What you put in this?” I felt the cup drop from my hand.
“Just something to help you relax. You seem so tense.”
“Yeah, I do feel tired.” I looked at her.
“Well, then I’d better get you to bed.” She held my face in her hands.
“Candice, what did you give me? I have to know!”
“Just muscle relaxers, nothing too strong. I take them whenever I get too tense. Oh, Joe, don’t fight me.” Candice straddled my hips; she rubbed my shoulders. “I don’t want forever, I just want tonight!”
This can’t be happening! Words couldn’t form; I just stared at her as she unbuttoned my shirt. “I can’t believe that you’re fifty-two, not with a body like this!” She ran her hands over my abs; I could feel my pants begin to tighten. I numbly ran my hand up her thigh to her tight ass. She didn’t have anything on underneath that nightshirt. She leaned and kissed me; I kissed back. I enjoyed her tongue. Then I remembered Billie, and the wounded look in her eyes.
“No! Candice! I can’t!” I pushed her off and bolted from the couch; it made me dizzy, but I made myself walk to the front door.
“Joe-” she followed me, “Please, Joe! I won’t tell anybody! It’ll be our little secret!”
I reached for the doorknob, “Goodnight, Candice.” I angrily slammed the door behind me. I stumbled across the lawn and finally made it to the door, and went inside. I don’t remember how I got to my room.
&bsp; I was awakened early by voices outside. I felt groggy. I looked out to see two policemen standing in the backyard. Uh oh. I got dressed quickly and went outside. The sun seemed especially bright today. Damn it, should have grabbed my sunglasses!
Something had to have happened. There was police everywhere; some had blue uniforms, some brown, some gray. They must have pulled cops in from other towns. “What’s going on?” I asked Tom. Brad and Joey were talking amongst themselves, near the driveway.
Tom shrugged, “I think something happened to Candice.”
Steven appeared. “Joe, listen man, the cops wanna talk to you about Candice.”
“Why me?”
“They won’t say.” Steven’s voice had a little panic to it.
A man stood behind Steven. He was a younger man, tall, medium build, brown hair, and green eyes. “I am Captain Anton Lacroix.” He flashed his badge. “I am the officer in charge. Mr. Perry, may I speak to you?”
“Yeah, sure.” Why not? I didn’t have anything to hide.
“Mr. Perry, how well did you know Candice Lamoureax?”
“Who?” The last name threw me.
“The girl that works here.”
“Not very well; I just met her.”
“You never had any kind of relationship with her?”
I could feel my eyes widened. “No. I just talked to her a couple of times. I didn’t even know her last name.”
“Did you have sex with her last night?”
“No!” I was genuinely shocked.
“What the hell’s up with this?” Steven butted in. “Is that what she’s saying?”
“Miss Lamoureax isn’t speaking.” Lacroix said. “She’s been murdered.”
Now I could feel my mouth open; I looked at Tom, he was just as shocked.
“Murdered?” Steven repeated.
“She’s been raped and murdered; may we please take some blood and semen samples from you?” He stared directly at me.
“Joe, don’t say or do anything until you get a lawyer.” Tom said.
“Mr. Perry, please cooperate with us.” That stare didn’t let up.
I looked between them, “I didn’t have sex with her! Take whatever you want, I didn’t do anything!”
“Why are you zeroing in on Joe?” Steven asked.
“We have an eyewitness that saw him going to the cottage at about ten twenty last night.”
“Yeah, I went to her cottage to talk to her.”
“Yes, then?”
“We just talked. I left her there alone and alive.”
Lacroix narrowed his eyes. “Thank you. Please, gentlemen don’t leave the grounds.”
I walked to the back to the house, and looked out over the garden. I saw a coroner’s van in front of the cottage. They wheeled out a gurney; with a body bag on it draped in a white sheet. I watched the van drive away.
“I called her early this morning,” Steven explained. “To see where she was at. There wasn’t an answer, so the gardener went down to see if everything was all right. He called the police.”
I remained silent; I just kept staring at the little cottage.
“Joe, did you tell Lacroix the truth?”
“Steven!” I shot a look at him, “I didn’t rape her!”
“I know that! Well, I mean, why did you go to her cottage?”
“To talked to her; I knew if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. She apologized for what happened at dinner; I accepted it. Then I left.”
It was like Steven knew I wasn’t telling everything. He raised an eyebrow.
I sighed. “She slipped me something. She said it was muscle relaxers. We sorta got frisky, but it was just a kiss, nothing else happened! Steven, I didn’t do anything! I didn’t rape her, and I sure as hell didn’t kill her!” This was really beginning to piss me off! I turned and angrily walked away; Steven followed.
“Joe-”
“Steven. Please, just leave me alone.”
“Joe, would you just listen-” Steven reached out and touched me; he just grabbed my shoulder, but I reacted badly. I spun around and faced Steven; I had had it! I lost my temper; I lost control.
I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Goddamn it, Steven! You fucking listen! Just shut up and listen! I am getting fed up with you, and your fucking bullshit! I didn’t want to fucking come here in the first place, but no! We have to be a fucking group; we’re not a band, we’re like a Goddamned cult! And you’re the fucking guru; we all have to do exactly whatever the hell you fucking want!
“You tell me to relax. OK, fine, great idea! Now I got to go jack off in a bottle to prove that I didn’t fuck this girl! Yeah, this is just so incredibly relaxing! Why do you and everyone else just automatically assume that I went and raped her? Why are you assuming that I killed her?
“Now, I am going over here, and I’m going to have a cigar-alone!” I spun around on my heel, and stood beside stone railings, leaving Steven standing there in shock. I did turn my head a bit; I was already regretting my outburst.
Steven tried to conceal his hurt feelings. I didn’t notice the rest of the guys standing there. They had been there the entire time; they had heard my tantrum; hell you couldn’t help but hear it.
Lacroix also stood there, taking it all in. “Is Mr. Perry always so angry?” It wasn’t really a question, more of a generalized statement.
“Wouldn’t you be a little angry if you had just been accused of rape and murder?” Steven met his glaring eyes.
“I never accused him. He hasn’t been accused of anything.”
“Yeah, in not so many words, but that’s what you’re driving at.” Brad said.
“Gentlemen, I am after the truth.”
My eyes wouldn’t focus; I could feel my heart pounding. Very few times I’d been so angry that I was literally shaking; I was shaking so badly that I didn’t even try to light a cigar. I couldn’t believe how I’d yelled at Steven over such a stupid little thing! Steven looked over at me; I looked down, and turned my back to him. I heard his bracelets rattle as he came closer. Christ he wasn’t that stupid, was he? Was he really going to risk getting yelled at again?
“Joe, I’m-” Steven said quietly.
It happened in an instant.
I turned and was about to apologize when I felt sharp pains tear through my body. Every muscle from my neck to my waist seemed to constrict. I doubled over in excruciating pain. I went down hard on my knees.
“Joe!” Steven screamed and rushed to my side; he knelt beside me, putting his hands on my trembling shoulders.
I braced myself with my left hand on the warm stone of the walkway, and clutched my chest with my right. I felt sweat dripping off my face, but I felt so cold. “Steven, I’m having a heart attack!” I gasped. It felt like the world was closing in on me. I’d never see Billie again; I’d never be able to tell her that I loved her; to tell her how sorry I was. I’d never see my kids again. I was hoping to see grandkids someday; that wasn’t gonna happen, either.
“Joe, you’re not having a heart attack. Just hang on, Lacroix’s getting somebody.”
“Come on Joe, lie down.” Brad said as he and Steven eased me on my back.
“I’m dying!” I could hear myself wheeze.
“You’re not dying!” Steven held onto my clammy hand.
Tom’s fingers felt my neck. “You’re going to be fine, Joe, your not having a heart attack. Just take some deep breaths, let it out slowly.”
I did; it helped. I did feel somewhat better. I was still terrified though. I opened my eyes; all of them were around me.
“Just try to calm down. Joe, you’re gonna be fine, man. The doctor’s here.” Steven seemed very calm; if I were having a heart attack, Steven wouldn’t be so calm. Then what the hell’s wrong? Was it whatever Candice slipped me?
“What’s his name?” This older man asked in a slight Southern accent. He about my age, graying hair, thin hawkish nose. He knelt beside me. I heard Lacroix phone for an ambulance.
“Joe.” Joey answered.
“OK, Joe can you hear me?”
“Yeah.”
“My name’s Leonard. Have you been sick?” I felt this man hands on my neck.
I did nod, but Steven answered for me, “He had an attack last night; he just doubled over. He said he thought he was getting an ulcer.”
“Do you know where you’re at, Joe?” I felt the stethoscope on my chest, and then I felt the cuff go on my arm.
“White Oaks.” I answered.
“Good. Joe can you-”
The pains struck me again. I felt my every muscles in my body tighten; I started shaking. I tried to talk but all that came out was a low moan. I tightened my grip on Steven’s hand to let him know I was still there. I was glad when Steven squeezed back.
Lacroix handed Leonard the oxygen mask and helped him put it over my face. “Just take a few little breaths, you’re doing very well. You’re going to be just fine. The pain letting up a bit, now?”
“Yeah.” I could still feel myself shaking.
Leonard asked them all the standard questions as he checked me over: How old? Did he have a history of heart trouble? Did he smoke? Any drugs? Any allergies? Sometimes Steven answered, sometimes Tom. I heard Steven telling him about Candice slipping me something. I felt somebody elevating my legs and then I felt a blanket go over me. I fought to stay conscious, but I lost.
I woke up in a hospital bed. Leonard was taking my pulse. “Are you feeling better?” He asked.
“Yeah. You’re Leonard, right?”
“You remember me; Dr. Leonard Kirby. Are you under a lot of stress?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“I want to tell you that I did take some blood samples from you. Your friend, Mr. Tyler, told me about what happened last night. I am also the coroner, so I will be investigating the crime.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Well, it wasn’t a heart attack, more like an anxiety attack. And I don’t think you have a full-blown ulcer, not yet. I don’t know your situation, but in my opinion, you’re on the verge of a physical breakdown. You need a couple of days of complete bed rest. I’ll check back on you tonight. Now, I’ll give you a shot to calm you down.” He prepared the injection.
“Do you have to? I kinda got a bad history with drugs.”
“I know, Mr. Tyler told me. Don’t worry, I didn’t give you too much, just enough to take the edge off and help you go to sleep.” He was good at giving shots; I hardly felt it. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to bring a baby into the world.” Kirby left, I saw him give a slight nod. Steven appeared in the doorway.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah, Steven.” My voice was much calmer than before; but cannon fire probably would have been too. I sat up. I made myself look at him. “Steven, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean anything of that shit I said to you! I don’t know why I-”
Steven gave a smile. “It’s OK, Joe. Hey, you just had to put up with Lacroix. That’s would be enough to fray anyone’s nerves.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “Hey, how are you feeling?” “OK.” I watched my fingers nervously twisted the sheet.
“No Joe, you’re not OK.” Steven shook his head, “Man, why didn’t you say something?”
“Would it have mattered? Everybody would have just told me to fucking relax-” I stopped talking; my chest tightened.
Steven was silent; he did hold my hand. I think he waited to see if I was going to have another attack. I drew some very deep breaths until the pain left. “Looking back on this, I did push you. I should have taken your opinion more seriously. God, I’m sorry, Joe.”
“Steven, I said I didn’t mean any of it!”
“No, you’re right. I guess I get caught up in my little plans and I don’t think of anybody else’s feelings. I thought if I got you down here, you’d love the place, too. I’m so sorry for everything I did Joe. You’re the last person in the world I would ever want to hurt.” Steven put his hand on my shoulder, and looked me in the eye, “I know that you didn’t hurt this girl. I believe you. We all believe you.”
“I just don’t know what the fuck happened, Steven. I can’t remember.”
“I told Lacroix that she drugged you.”
“Yeah, that doctor took some blood,” Then I had the horrible thought of Billie finding out that I was a suspect in a girl’s rape and murder. My stomach began to ache again. “Oh, my God, Steven! Billie! What’s Billie gonna say? She won’t ever speak to me again! I’ve lost her! I’ve lost her forever!”
Steven tried to calm me down. “Man, you didn’t do anything! Fuck I’ll swear to that! Don’t worry about Billie; I’ll talk to her.”
“Don’t call her! Please Steven! I don’t want her to know!”
“I won’t call her, I promise. Just lie back down, and take some deep breaths.” He helped me lie back down. “I’ll stay here and make sure that nobody bothers you. Just get some rest Joe.”
“God, I’m tired. Thanks, Steven.” I closed my eyes. Steven sat with me, still holding my hand.
Things got a little confusing after that, but Steven can let you know what happened next.